Unsettled

Unsettled is how I am feeling right now. Very unsettled. Nervous? Anxious? Wierdly eager, too.

Once again, I have tried going to the doctor for my pain. Daily pain that wears me out. This time, living in Kirksville, the Osteopathic center of the world, I went to a DO in hopes that an underlying cause would be found rather than being blown off again. It's been 7 years now since the pain began. I thought maybe I could be 'out' all over and that would be causing the pain. The headaches were getting worse, so I was hoping that was the cause...

I was wrong - very wrong. One of the first things that was commented upon was the fact that he was surprised at how in line I was for being in so much regular pain. The verdict? Possible Lupus. At one point he said a 50/50 chance. That's pretty high before the tests have been done!

My red face - not rosaecea like I've always thought. It's the facial rash that comes with Lupus. I know, I know... I haven't gotten the results back yet, but I've spent a week online doing research and I fear I'm going to get a positive result back. Of course, they are running a full series of tests - but there is not one test you can have to get a yes or no. It's a positive of 4 out of 11 that gets you there. I have the rash and the arthritis - that's two. I have had protein in my urine tests several times in the past (but nobody followed up!!!) which would be 3, then the others are blood tests that I have to wait for. But so far it's looking that direction.

To give some more teeth to the idea, I've been looking into how diet affects Lupus and have found that I have already eliminated some of the triggers on my own just from my own observations - like MSG. I've found more and I'll spend this week putting them into practice.

Which brings me to the next idea - what to do for my blood tests next Monday. Do i spend this week putting myself into remission (hopefully?) only to not get the right results next Monday, or do I keep myself in a flareup so that I get accurate results? I think I've decided to eat well and try to feel better, then eat poorly next weekend to flare up so that the needed 'items' are in my blood to be tested. This assumes, of course, that diet makes that much of an effect. The big deal is the red rash on my face and how it affects it - no redness in the folded part of the face around the nose and down to the lips.

I'm a little scared. This is a lifelong thing. This isn't something that can be cured, and it can lead to some really serious side effects. This will affect my whole life. I may not be able to work sometime in the near future. It definitely puts me on the slow down list. Sleep and lower stress are major necessities!

OK - speaking of sleep... I need to get to bed!

I'll keep my feelings updated here as a place to vent.

Jill